tofuplusbeast

writing 'we were challenged to do this new/interesting display...' to a vendor = "fuck my stupid baka life my idiot boss added this to the to-do list, don't shoot the messenger pls'

i'm in the middle of [massive high profile dayjob] crunch which between doujin logistics and other projects has me going a lil' hrrrghghhrrgh[internal project manager anxiety screech].

i'll be fine. it'll be over in two weeks. but just. aaaaaaa.

funniest thing is my former art director bro who's working under me is ccd on the email and i know he got a chuckle out of my wording lol

a guy who i had not been following for all too long via RSS feeds announced he was pulling the plug on his blog and focusing on church life, since he was feeling bothered by the separation of internet/blog life <-vs-> church work.

and to be clear - good for him, i think he'll be ultimately happier (I got the hint that he had been on the chans a bit too long and that church was pulling him out of a very nihilistic shell). 

but it got me to reflecting about my life since it is by ... (partial) design, extremely compartmentalized. in the exact way that he felt bothered by with his life, and it made me wonder - why do I not feel bothered? should I be? what's different about our experiences?

pretty much all of my major spheres of life/friends are extremely compartmentalized. a lot of them would outright hate each other. most of y'all would probably have a strong distaste for a certian channer-adjacent shitpost server i still quite adore. my immediate family would have an... extremely negative reaction to (the harder) art on this handle, but they're no less genuinely loving and grounding to me on a day to day basis and extremely worth nurturing in turn. said channer server would hate my art, but clearly i think it's worth drawing. the wheel goes on lol.

and to be sure, there's a non-zero psychological toll on actively keeping the compartmentalized areas separate but at the same time i significantly appreciate the freedom to navigate between these separate lives, far more than said toll. that freedom to wander in and out and in and out like a traveler on the road ... that's more precious to me almost more than everything. if a more fragile area collapses, i can wander off to a different one or recreate one. i can retreat if it's becoming too overstimulating. i don't have to slowly warp my psyche and ideals to fit an area.

in a way, i feel more full, being compartmentalized. fuller as a human.